If I Should Fall
by Sakusha
Summary: When your tumbling towards your own downfall, you better hope that someone is there to catch you.And when the time comes, you may need to return the favor.Yaoi.YO AK COMPLETE
1. Silent Angels

Disclaimer/warnings: I own everything...mwahahahah! Really, do we have to do this? I own purse lint, and a very cute drawing my son gave me cause he says I'm prettyfull.(Prettyfull is in the all-purpose day-care dictionary, for those who are wondering ) I just borrow these guys for my own little demented purposes, and will give them back relatively unharmed when I'm through. Oh and this is Yaoi, though I only have a vague idea of where this is headed, length and such. Comments are most appreciated. hint hint 

A very special thank you to Krysana, who reads through my bad spelling, grammar, and poor use of comma's grin, and still take her precious time to beta my stuff. hugs I thank you dearly.

* * *

**If I Should Fall **

****

Keys jingled just behind the door, followed by a soft curse. Another key was denied and then another, followed by much more vehement swearing. After a few moments, the keys fell to the ground and a deep breath was drawn followed by a string of curse words in two different languages. In his drunken state, Youji figured he would have more luck cursing the door open rather than unlocking it manually.

The figure that had been sitting on the cool tiles of the hallway was startled awake, dropping the book that had been in his lap. Slowly he unfurled himself into a standing stretch, shaking off his slumber. It took a moment to remember where he was and why he was there. Omi snorted at the words coming from the other side of the door as they became more creative. The longer he listened, the more creative Youji got, which amused Omi simply because Youji shouldn't have been able to stand upright let alone string words together into such a blistering one sided commentary the way he could while stone drunk.

Omi unlatched the door and turned the handle. Youji fell through the opening door, stumbling on Omi who did no more than put his arms out to hold Youji upright. It took a moment for Youji to realize that he had not hit the floor.

"Oi! Omi." He said merrily.

Omi turned his head slightly to avoid the stench of Youji's breath.

"Hello Youji-kun." He replied softly. Omi's legs started to buckle under the weight, "Let's get you to bed."

Youji started to move in the direction of the stairs until he realized that his legs simply were not going to listen to him. Omi somehow managed to keep Youji from pitching forward.

"Together, Youji-kun."

"Ya ya. I got, I got it." Youji mumbled.

After a few awkward moments, they managed to get upstairs. Omi propped Youji up against the wall beside Youji's door and proceeded to pick the lock. Youji started to fall asleep while he waited, jarring back to wakefulness when the door opened. Omi helped him inside, depositing him on the edge of his bed.

"Just a second, Youji." Omi said, before kneeling to take Youji's shoes off.

After Omi deposited the man's shoes at the foot of the bed, he stood to help Youji inside the covers. As Omi stood to help Youji into bed, Youji suddenly stiffened.

"Uh, O Omi..." He hitched.

Omi, recognizing the tone, flew into action. Youji pitched forward as Omi caught him and pulled him into the bathroom. Omi put the toilet seat up while Youji dropped to his knees.

Omi left for a moment and came back, towel in hand. He gently pulled Youji's hair back and waited.

Youji shivered when he was done. Gasping for a breath of fresh air, he tried to pull himself up, but Omi was quicker and pulled Youji to stand at the sink. Omi waited patiently while Youji cleaned up, handing Youji the towel when he was done.

"Bed." Youji's voice was dull and hoarse from exhaustion.

"Yes, Youji-kun." Omi again took up his place under Youji's arm and helped him to bed. This time when they got there, Youji just let himself fall into it. Luckily, Omi had already thought to pull down the covers when he had retrieved the towel. Youji looked as if he'd already drifted off so Omi pulled the bed sheets up. Omi turned to let himself out as Youji shifted in the covers.

"Ne, Omi?"

Omi stopped at the threshold, hand on the door. He waited for the strange conversation to play out, as it did every night Omi helped Youji to bed.

"Yes, Youji-kun?"

"You'll be there to catch me, right Omi? " Youji mumbled.

"Yes, Youji-kun." Omi answered in a sigh.

"Thanks..." Youji slurred back, "You're the best, Omi."

"G'night, Youji-kun." Omi said as he quietly shut the door, knowing not to wait for an answer. Youji had already fallen asleep.

Omi stood at the top of the stairs for some time before descending.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''


	2. Tainted Hands

* * *

Closing the shop took longer than normal, since there was only the two of them. Ken finished sweeping while Omi tallied the receipts.

"Ne, Omi you've been quiet today. Everything alright?"

"Hai." Omi replied quietly.

"Omi, did you order the red roses or the white ones? Aya wants both in stock for the weekend."

"Hai."

"Omi? Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" Omi paused and looked up from the receipts. If Ken hadn't been concerned, he would have thought the expression was quite comical. Ken sighed.

"I asked if you're alright, Omi. Your not yourself today."

_Myself?_

Omi smiled, "I'm fine, Ken. Just a little tired." He filed the receipts away and dug out the key to the register out of his pocket.

Ken noticed something fall when Omi took the keys out and picked it up. Omi locked up the register and turned to go up the stairs.

"Hey, your shoulder still bothering you?" Ken held out the little blue pill that had fallen to the ground.

Omi turned, and recognized the pill that Ken was holding, "Thanks, I forgot it was in my pocket." Omi took the pill from Ken's hand and blew it off. "It's not so bad, but it aches when it's cold like today."

Ken ruffled Omi's hair in that big brotherly way that tended to irritate Omi, though he would never say. "Geez Omi, you should have said earlier. I could have asked Aya to stay instead." Ken smiled and they walked to the stairs together, but as they reached the first step, Ken bounded up them two at a time with a burst of energy stemming from wanting to see his lover, Omi had no doubt. "You should take care of yourself Omi." He called back down, in a cheerful manner, and then he was gone.

Omi walked slowly, almost reluctantly up the stairs, not having the same enthusiasm as his friend. "I'm trying. I'm trying." He whispered, and swallowed the little blue pill dry.

* * *

Youji managed to get the door open by himself, which was a feat in itself. But he couldn't manage to get the keys out of the lock once the door was open, and that started a whole new set of problems for the blond. He cursed. He kicked. But damn it, the lock would not give him his keys back.

Suddenly, gentle hands took over, pulling the keys away from the door and sliding them in his jacket pocket. The same hands helped him up the stairs and into bed. He said something, he was sure, and an angels voice answered him. He smiled at warm words before he let the darkness overtake him.

* * *

"There's no more coffee. And no, I am _not_ going to go out and buy you some."

"Hidoi Ken. Hidoi." Youji whined as he slumped into the chair, folded his arms and rested his head on top of them. "Just because _you_ don't drink the stuff." He mumbled.

Ken let out an exasperated sigh. "Nobody but _you_ drinks it. How is that my fault?"

At any other time, Youji was sure he could have come up with something witty, but the only thing that escaped his mouth was a grunt.

"Ohayo!" Omi came into the kitchen smiling. He grabbed a piece of toast that was on the table and held it in his mouth while trying to get orange juice out of the refrigerator.

"You finished the ordering right?" Aya's voice came from behind the newspaper, directly across from Youji.

"Mm-hmm." Omi pulled out the orange juice, grabbed two cups and poured.

"Did you get roses? Aya asked, lowering the newspaper briefly.

"Mm-hmm." Omi put the carton back in the fridge, dropped the toast into his now available hands and continued talking, "And pots and soil. Receipts are in the register, till is counted out for today and I made an inventory list like you asked."

"Last night?" Ken asked, bringing his cup of tea over to sit by Aya. Omi didn't miss the way Ken brushed his arm against Aya, or the way Aya leaned into it, ever so slightly.

Omi pushed one of the glasses of orange juice to the mop of blonde hair on the table. He tapped Youji on the arm.

Youji looked up and saw what he'd been offered, snorted, but took the glass anyway.

"Hai, last night." Omi smiled, standing while he finished off his toast.

"The weekend would have been suffice, Omi." Aya said, but nodded to Omi in silent thanks as he returned to reading his paper

Omi took a sip of orange juice to wash away the grit the toast left in his mouth. "Manx wants me to clean up some files on the computer downstairs this weekend. I may have to reformat the whole system. I also have a paper due for school on Monday." He said by way of explanation.

"Good God, Omi. What do you run on?" Ken exclaimed.

Omi just smiled.

"Kid's got boundless energy. No fair." Said Youji, milking his glass of juice.

"You could learn something from him." Aya's quite voice sounded from behind the paper.

"You know what they say about old dogs." Youji took one last gulp and put his glass back on the table, pushing it forward. Omi took it, without being asked. He rinsed the glass and put it on the counter to dry. He then returned to his own glass and downed the remainder in one shot.

"You're good at that," Youji teased. "You should come bar hoping with me sometime." He winked at Omi, who looked a little shocked at the offer. Omi opened his mouth to speak, but was cut of by Ken.

"Don't go selling him your problems, Youji." Ken warned in a half serious tone.

Youji sighed heavily, then stood up and stretched. "Yeah, that's right. You don't have any issues dragging you down ... you should probably keep it that way, chibi." He ruffled Omi's hair much the way Ken did.

Omi swatted Youji's hand away in irritation. "Whatever you say, Youji-kun." Omi replied, before pasting on a smile again, "I'm much to busy for any of that anyway." Omi rinsed out his own glass, before heading towards the door. "I have cram school tonight, and I'll be home late. Would you save dinner for me please?" He called over his shoulder as he left, not waiting for an answer.

Youji chose to drag himself back upstairs, hoping to make himself a bit more presentable by the time they opened the shop. Ken nudged Aya, and grinned when Aya put the paper down. Ken offered his tea to Aya, which Aya took without hesitation.

Aya looked thoughtfully at the stairs that Omi had descended before giving Ken his full attention.

* * *

"Status, Siberian."

"Clear."

"Abyssian?"

There was static over the mic before a voice replied, "Clear."

"Meet at point alpha. Bombay out."

* * *

Ken set the first aid kit on the table in front of Aya and got a glare for his trouble.

"You're bein' a baby ya know."

Aya chose not to answer but took off his coat and sat without Ken asking him too.

Ken knelt in front of him defiantly meeting Aya's glare before ignoring it altogether. Aya could make faces till doomsday; it would have little effect on his partner. Ken had long since been immune to such things.

He looked down to the arm Aya had been favoring since they got home. Taking Aya's left arm into his hands, he winced inwardly at the bruised and swollen flesh. As gentle as possible Ken prodded the injury, making sure the bone was still intact. He watched Aya's face for any sign of pain. Aya showed no reaction, and by the time Ken was done, both were satisfied that there were no broken bones.

"Bruised as hell, but not broken." Ken said unnecessarily, "It's gonna hurt like hell for a couple of days." Ken got up and went to the icebox and came back with an ice pack.

"Here, let's keep the swelling down." Ken handed the pack to Aya and headed towards the door. "I'll be right back."

Aya put the ice pack on, if only to make his lover happy and turned his attention to Omi. Or rather Omi's back. Omi had been washing his hands at the sink since they came in. If Aya found that strange, he chose not to comment. They all had their rituals after a mission.

Ken came back down holding a bottle in his hands. "Here, this'll help." He said, handing the bottle to Aya.

Aya gave him a face. Ken glared. Aya glared. Ken smiled. Aya lost. He took the bottle from Ken, but couldn't get it open with one hand and so he handed it back. Ken opened the bottle, took out a pill and gave it to Aya.

"These don't make you drowsy or anything do they?" Ken asked. He looked at the bottle and then directed the question to Omi.

"Omi, did you hear me?"

"Hmm?"

"Do the pills that you keep on your nightstand make you sleepy?"

"Not really, why?" Omi asked.

"I gonna steal some for Aya. S'okay, right?"

"Hai."

Aya was handed a glass of water took the pill under Ken's watchful eye.

Youji sauntered into the kitchen. His mission clothes had been replaced with a club outfit. Youji favored leather these days.

Omi looked up from his hands at the sound of footsteps. He opened his mouth, and then bit his lip, mulling over his words.

"You're going out _tonight_?" Ken asked, checking his watch. It was almost eleven.

"Ah, but the night is young!" Youji replied. " Only old folks and kiddies stay home on a Saturday night. Don't wait up for me!" Youji left with a smirk. Ken noticed Omi watching Youji's departure.

'Here ya go." Ken tapped Omi on the shoulder with his medication bottle. Omi shook himself and sighed. He turned, took the bottle and started to head upstairs.

"What, I don't even get a 'good night'?" Ken asked in mock indignation.

"G'night Ken-kun. G'night Aya-kun." Omi quietly replied.

Ken watched Omi leave. He turned questioningly to Aya, who had also been watching.

'He's tired."

Ken nodded in agreement.

* * *

Omi rotated his shoulder and winced. He took a pill out and swallowed it before replacing the bottle back on the nightstand. He sat on his bed unlacing his shoes, but stopped when he noticed his fingernails. He brought his hands up to his face to inspect them further. He had scrubbed until his hands were pink, and yet it was still there, dried and crusted under his fingernails. He could use soap, bleach, hot water or a scrub brush and still there would always be blood.

He felt pain shoot through his shoulder, and for a moment he considered taking another pill.

Instead, he headed back downstairs. Making sure that Ken and Aya had retired for the night, Omi found his familiar seat in the entryway. He leaned into the wall, drawing his knees to his chest and waited. He fell asleep staring at his hands.

* * *


	3. Going Through the Motions

Hugs to Mangababy, Shuldich Sunde,Moonraven, Krysana,Rei-Kitty, Shiko87,and Yuimag for your thoughful reviews. So sorry to keep you waiting. The chapters for this fic will pick up after this one. I swear I will finish both my Wiess fic's. I guess I'm kinda slow...I'll work on that.

* * *

The mission had been a hard one. No one spoke as they entered the Koneko, each heading to their respective rooms.

Omi sat on the edge of the bed, still in fully outfitted for the mission.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard Ken's door open. He knew where Ken would go. Aya's door made no noise, but Omi was sure they would comfort each other tonight.

Not long after that, the door on the opposite side of the hallway opened and shut. He could hear the lock click. Youji would find warmth tonight as well. It would be hours before he would return.

Omi removed his gloves setting them on the nightstand. He paused at the bottle that sat there. His shoulder no longer bothered him, yet he still felt pain. He needed to dull the ache in his chest. Two pills, he decided.

Omi lay fully clothed on his bed, not bothering with the sheets or blankets. He stared at the ceiling, waiting for the numbness to overcome his senses.

There would be no warmth for him tonight.

* * *

"Mou Mou, Youji-kun. I've had enough for one day." Omi's voice sounded weary.

Youji blew raspberries at the blond.

Omi rolled his eyes. "You should stop hanging around so many woman, you're starting to nag like one."

Youji put his hand over his heart." You wound me."

" Honestly, Youji-kun. If you would just clean up we could both get out of here. You left early twice already this week." Omi sighed.

" I can't help it if the ladies love me."

Omi chose to stay quit over that comment. He was more than aware that it wasn't only the ladies Youji dabbled with.

"I'm serious, Omi. This..." Youji waved his arm at the shop, " cannot be healthy for someone your age. You can't possibly tell me that you like closing every single night. Don't you do _anything_ fun?"

Omi leveled a baleful glare on the taller man, " Define fun."

Youji gave a slow grin. " I know what you need."

"And what would that be?" Omi obviously didn't believe Youji.

" You need to get laid."

Omi stiffened for a moment and turned to look at Youji.

Youji's grin became a little bigger. " Yup, definitely what you need. I know this girl… man, she's great. Musta been a contortionist in another life…"

" Not going to work Youji-kun." Omi went back to sweeping.

"Wha… c'mon. Omi…Ok, look." Youji pulled out a small black leather pocketbook from the back pocket of his jeans and waved it in Omi's direction. " I got a whole black book full of wonderful woman who would just love to …"

Omi laid the broom aside." Youji-kun, drop it, please."

" You don't have to be embarrassed," Youji was warming to the idea of making Omi a lucky man. " Why, I had lots of girls by the time I was your age..."

"_That's_ the problem."

"_What's_ the problem?"

"They are girls."

Youji blinked, not quite understanding.

"Unless you have _guys_ in that little black book, it's not going to work." Omi turned and started upstairs, not waiting for Youji's reaction to that announcement. " Could you turn off the lights before you leave, Youji-kun? Thank you."

Youji stood at the counter for moment. Calmly, he looked down to the book he had in his hands and palmed it open, leafing over a couple of pages. He came to a name and stopped, his thumb hovering over the phone number. The name did not belong to a lady friend.

Suddenly, Youji did not feel like sharing the numbers in his little black book. Least of all, with Omi. He really didn't know what to make of what he was feeling, exactly, but Youji knew one thing for sure... he was going to drink tonight. A lot.

* * *

_Coffee. Black. Strong. And lots of it_. That was the only thought that came in loud and clear over the pounding in his head.

Youji rolled over and moaned at the pain caused by that motion. After a few deep breaths, he managed to sit, his head almost between his legs, hands braced at either side of his temples. It took him another ten minutes to make it to the bathroom.

The mirror told no lies. He felt like shit – and he looked like shit. He stared at the stranger who'd stole his body, and tried to decide if he wanted it back.

_'You'll be there'_

* * *

"Ken. Get those roses out before you open the door."

Ken moved the pot of roses Ran asked him to. He unlocked the door to the Koneko and flipped the sign in the window.

" Where's Omi?" Ran asked, standing at the register.

"Sleeping," Ken answered.

" Slept on the tiles again, didn't he?"

Ken nodded.

" This needs to stop soon."

Ken shared a look with Ran.

* * *

Manx handed a file to Omi, who took it without question. He opened the folder and skimmed its contents.

"I can get to this by the weekend," he said, still looking over the papers.

"I need it sooner than that, Bombay. Our informant will be waiting for an answer tomorrow."

Omi looked up to Manx, a look of determination on his face. " I'll have it ready by morning then."

Manx nodded and left.

* * *

How Omi got Youji into bed, he'd never know. Youji had fallen to sleep almost the minute he hit the mattress. Omi still took the time to make Youji as comfortable as possible, removing boots and jacket and placing a blanket over the older assassin.

"I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself, Youji," Omi whispered, placing a chaste kiss on Youji's forehead.

Omi froze as Youji pulled the covers tighter around himself. "I wish..." Youji mumbled before falling deeper into slumber.

Omi let himself out. He leaned on the door as he closed it behind him. "I wish," he whispered, smiling sadly to himself, " I wish."

He went back downstairs to retrieve the file he was working on and brought it back up to his room. He noticed his pills sitting on the desk and couldn't remember whether he had had one or two, or what time he had taken them.

Empty. The room was cold. He was cold. Surly, just one more pill...

* * *

"This isn't your usual work, Bombay," Manx stated, leafing through the folder, " But, you seem to have gotten the work done, even if it isn't in order."

"Gomenasai."

" Well, I understand I didn't give you much time with it, still..." Manx looked up from the file to look at the figure in front of her. " Is there anything bothering you, Omi."

Omi jerked his head up at the use of his proper name. "N...no. Not really. Just a bit overwhelmed. I'm doing fine though."

" Take care Omi, we need you."

* * *

He wanted more. Youji watched the flashing lights as he came to that conclusion. More of what, was the question. It couldn't be more of what he had been pursuing. No amount of drink or sex had been enough. It would never be enough. He needed something else. He knew it was there. Something. Something that was right in front of him, but he just couldn't seem to grasp it.

'_You'll be there...?' he whispered to himself._

He came back early. He did not reek of sex and cheap perfume, and he was perfectly sober. The lock clicked under his hand as he turned the key, letting himself in quietly.

As Youji turned to go upstairs, he almost tripped over something soft just inside the entryway. He stifled a startled yelp as he caught himself from toppling over. He opened his mouth to curse the object that ruined his graceful entry, but the words died in his throat as he realized just exactly what it was...or rather who. Omi was asleep in the entryway, sitting with his head rested upon his knees, one of his arms wrapped around his legs and the other resting limply at his side. He hadn't even flinched at Youji's misstep.

Youji couldn't take his eyes off the other blond. He studied the fall of hair over Omi's face. A thousand questions ran through his mind. The biggest one was 'why?'

'_You'll be there to catch me, right...?'_

Immediately, Youji snuffed out his own thoughts. He picked up the scattered papers that Omi had been working on and set them aside. Omi still hadn't awoken and Youji briefly considered picking him up, but Omi had grown in the last year, enough so, that Youji had no doubt that he would do more harm than good trying to carry the young man upstairs.

Instead he shook Omi's shoulder. Bleary eyes opened and blinked a few times.

"Youji?"

"Mornin' chibi." Youji sounded amused.

Omi blinked and was instantly awake. "Youji!" Omi stood up, with a slight wobble and leaned back up against the wall. "It's morning?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Er, no actually," Youji chuckled.

Omi moved his hands and glared.

"Gomen, chibi. I just didn't want you sleeping on the floor all night." Youji let that sit for a moment, not knowing what else to say. It wasn't every day you found someone sleeping on the floor.

"I, uh..." Omi took a deep breath to collect himself, " I was studying the floor plans for tomorrow night and I must have dozed off." Clearly, Omi was not going to explain why he was studying on the floor of their entryway.

There was an awkward silence between the two. Youji opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

"Alright then. G'night Omi." Youji practically ran up the stairs. He closed his door behind him and leaned against it. His heart was thumping hard enough, he was sure that it could be heard through the wall. Fear. It was fear he told himself. Fear, and something else...or... fear _of_ something else.

_'You'll be there for me, right...?'_

Omi closed his eyes and leaned against the wall in the entryway. He took a deep breath and then thumped his head on the wall behind him. "I'm such an idiot."

He quietly made his way up the stairs and closed his door with the same care. After placing the file on his desk, he crossed the room and sat heavily on his bed.

There were no tears. He wanted them so badly, but they wouldn't come. He was just so...tired. Omi pulled out a full bottle of pills from his pocket. He opened the cap and counted out three, then set the bottle on the nightstand, next to the empty one. There was already a glass of water there as well. It was probably a bit brackish, but it didn't matter. He downed the whole glass with the pills, and curled up on the bed, and waited.

* * *


	4. Thorns

_

* * *

Thanks to xKokurux, MistressKc-wanteddeadoralive, miss Dbzmedabots, Xellas, and Moonraven. Many thanks to Krysana._

_Remember, things look darkest before the dawn, meaning - while I will not leave you in tears at the end of this fic ( ducks Moonravens gare), sometimes the night lasts a little longer that one would like. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, I swear it.

* * *

_

"Youji, I don't think those are supposed to be pruned yet."

"It's lopsided. I'm just fixing it."

"You're hacking it to death."

Youji sighed. "If I can just get this one to...damn it!" Youji put the pruning shears down and decided to pull off the offending branch. As soon as he yanked it, however, he found out that it had thorns. "Son of a bitch!" he yelped, putting his finger in his mouth.

Omi put the broom aside and came to stand by Youji. "Lemme see."

Youji took his finger out of his mouth. "It's fine," he said in a dismissing tone.

Omi, ignoring Youji's irritation, put his hand on Youji's elbow, and tried to pull Youji's hand to get a better look. "Youji-kun, stop being a baby and let me see."

Youji jerked his elbow out of Omi's grasp. " I said it's _fine_. I'm not a fucking baby, Omi."

Ken stopped what he was doing, and Ran looked up from the register.

Omi met Youji's eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath, then turned and walked out of the store.

Youji opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Silently, he watched Omi leave.

Suddenly, Ken was in his face. "You're right. You're not a baby, Youji. You're a fucking moron." Ken stormed out of the Koneko after Omi.

Youji stood where he was, too stunned to do anything, until he heard the register close.

"How long?" Aya asked quietly.

Youji almost pretended not to understand, but then he thought better of it. "Two fucking weeks. Not one drink." Then in a quieter voice he said, " I didn't mean to snap at him."

"Then you need to tell him that, not me."

Youji looked up, through the window. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

Omi never did come back to the shop. Ken showed up around lunch and brought something to eat. He glared at Youji, but didn't say anything. Aya took him aside, and after that, Ken seemed to lose much of his irritation with Youji.

After they closed up for the night, Youji went to seek out Omi. Omi's door was closed but Youji could hear music playing from the other side. It was low and muffled, and to Youji, seemed rather unlike something Omi would listen too.

Youji knocked. The music was turned down and he could hear some rustling.

"What?" Omi's voice came through the door, sounding tired.

"Omi. I want to talk to you."

There was a pause, and Youji was afraid Omi wasn't going to answer. Then, " What do you need, Youji?"

Youji was thrown off. He hadn't intended to talk through the door. It just didn't feel right. But he did owe Omi an explanation for his earlier behavior, and if he needed to do it through the door, than so be it. "Omi...I am sorry for snapping at you earlier. It was just that I haven't been sleeping well and..."

"It's nothing Youji-kun. Don't worry about it." Omi cut him off before he could explain. Youji wished he could see Omi's face. He had no clue as to what Omi was thinking right now, and it bothered him greatly.

"But Omi, listen, I really..."

"I said it's OK, Youji-kun. I'm tired tonight. I don't think I'll be coming down for supper. Tell the guys for me please?"

Youji couldn't believe he was being dismissed. He couldn't believe that not once had Omi even opened the door. But as stunned as he was, he couldn't bring himself to intrude on Omi anymore. He felt that he at least owed it to Omi to give him space when he needed it. "Alright, Omi. See you in the morning."

* * *

'Balinese, have you got the target yet?'

'That's a negative, Abyssian. Target relocated. Bombay, what's with all the traffic? I thought no one was supposed to be here. It's making things a lot harder.'

'Try room 332. I don't remember seeing all these name on the guest list. Mission still a go. Just keep things quiet."

'Easy for you to say. Maybe you should do a double check next time. This sucks.'

* * *

Ken walked into the kitchen and pulled a can of tomato juice out of the refrigerator. He turned to take a seat at the table, but stopped.

" I must be seeing things," Ken said, looking at Youji standing over the stove. Youji had a pan in one hand and spatula in the other. He looked at Ken and snorted.

"That's what I said," Aya said, not lifting his eyes off the morning paper.

" I'm just making breakfast. Can't a guy make breakfast?" Youji turned his attention back to the stove.

" Sure, a _guy_ can make breakfast. I just don't know if _you_ can make breakfast," Ken said teasingly. He pulled a chair over beside Aya and sat down.

"I think he's just trying to get on someone's good side," Aya commented.

'I'm...just...making something to eat," Youji finished, a little irritated. " And if you two don't play nice, 'I'm not feeding ya, so quit it."

Ken leaned over to Aya. "He thinks I don't play nice." Ken pouted.

Aya looked up and smiled. "That's ok, I know better. You play _very_ nice."

"Not before I've had my coffee, boys," Youji said loudly from behind them, and set a plate in the middle of the table.

Ken worked up a nice blush to match his tomato juice, but Aya did nothing more than go back to reading his paper.

Omi walked into the room quietly. His eyes were shadowed, as if he hadn't slept, and his uniform was rumpled. Aya did look up then, taking in the way Omi looked. He shared a look with his partner, Ken not bothering to hide his look of concern.

Youji sat and waved at the food on the table, " Come and sit down, bishounin. I made breakfast."

Instead of sitting, Omi walked past the table, hardly making eye contact. " I can't...running late. Sorry."

Omi practically ran out the door, without a 'thanks' or a 'goodbye', leaving the rest of Weiss in stunned silence.

* * *

Next chapter - Omi has a confrontation with Weiss and himself. And maybe a little help from Youji. 


	5. Confrontations

Thank you for your patience. I've been run over with GW plot bunnies lately, and had a hard time coming back to this. Beware: In a rush to get this out, his chapter is completely unbeta'd.

* * *

Chapter 5 - Confrontations

* * *

Manx stopped the videotape and silence filled the room. No one bothered with the light. "So, who's in?" She asked.

"I'm in," Ken said, no hesitation in his voice.

Aya moved to stand beside Ken, no words needed to confirm his choice. They rarely did a mission without one another.

"I'm in too," Omi voiced.

"It looks like you got everyone on this one. Your one lucky lady," Youji said, pulling a cigarette out. He seemed to be holding it between his fingers for comfort.

Omi stood as Manx made her way to him with the mission folder. "Here's everything you'll need." Then she turned to Youji, " Count me lucky when you finish the job."

Youji stood and bowed dramatically before flopping back on the couch, " As you wish."

Manx mumbled something about annoyances before exiting up the stairs, leaving the rest of Weiss to figure their course of action on the current mission.

Omi opened the folder to start the assignment, but was surprised when Aya took the folder out of his hands.

"Omi, I think you need to sit this one out," he stated calmly. "We'll be able to handle it with the three of us."

Omi looked up to Aya in shock, "What...why?"

"You need to rest. I think you have to many things going on right now. It's for the best."

"I've never sat out a mission Aya, you know that," Omi glared at the redhead. " I'm fine. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise."

Ken stood beside Aya, but shifted on his feet nervously. " I think he's right, Omi. You haven't been yourself lately."

Omi narrowed his eyes, "Now your in on this too?"

Ken was taken back by the hostility in Omi's voice, "There is no 'this', Omi. We're...concerned, that's all."

Omi looked at the two as if they were traitors. "What the hell is this?"

Youji was still sitting on the sofa, but facing the group. "Omittichi... maybe their right."

Omi leveled a look at the rest of Weiss. "I don't understand what you guys are up too, but I'm still leader of this group."

"Nobody is disputing that, Bombay," Aya said, standing his ground," But you are not needed for this mission. It is best that you take some time to get yourself together."

Youji got up to stand near Omi. He could see the hurt in Omi's eyes, but he knew what Aya said to be true. Something was bothering the younger man and he needed to deal with whatever it was. "You need..."

"When the _hell_ did you become an expert in what I need?" Omi shouted.

Shocked, Youji could only watch as Omi retreated up the stairs. The rest of Weiss stood in silence.

"Well,'' Ken hesitated, "...that could have gone better."

Aya nodded, " Manx will have to be informed if this continues. I don't know what the problem is, but it is effecting his work."

Youji nodded, but he wasn't looking at Aya, he was watching the stairs where Omi had fled. He'd known something had been bothering the young blond for some time. He felt guilt crash down on him, that he'd not said something to Omi sooner. There were so many things he had not said. He was tired of playing the coward.

* * *

Omi slammed the door to his room. He was angry. Angry and hurt. But beyond that, he was mortified at his own behavior. He'd always stayed in control of himself. Especially in front of the others.

What the hell happened? Was he not needed? Why had his team turned on him? And Youji...not even Youji had backed him up, after all Omi had done for him. Again, the anger swelled.

He tried to calm himself, but his fists wouldn't unclench. He could feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands, but it didn't compare with the sharp pain in his chest. His eyes burned, and he was holding his breath. He needed something. Something to mask the pain. Something to make it go away. He wanted to feel numb.

Omi pulled a bottle out of his jacket pocket. He opened it and dumped the pills out into his hand. There were only three left. It wasn't enough.

He remembered the bottle on his nightstand. Almost instantly he held the other bottle, but found it to be empty as well. Omi started to search franticly for more pills. There was an empty bottle on the floor and another in his desk. He threw them all on top of his bed. He started shaking. He needed the pills. The pills made the pain go away. He needed...

Omi realized he was panting. What the hell? He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, and concentrated on his breathing. He took a few deep calming breaths. When he opened his eyes, Omi noticed that the shaking had subsided somewhat, but he couldn't shake the feeling of need.

His eyes fell to his bed where the empty bottles lay. He counted them, and realized that they weren't the only ones. He had tossed other empty bottles into the trash. How many? How many had he gone through? How many nights had he needed those pills? When did he start needing them so badly? And suddenly, he understood. "Oh, Gods... what am I doing?"

Omi let himself slid to the floor. Slowly he uncurled his right hand to reveal the three little blue pills. They looked so harmless. So very harmless. So comforting.

His hands started to shake again as Omi fought for control of himself. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He was oddly comforted that he could still cry, after not being able to for so long. At the same time he was afraid that if he let those tears spill over, he might drown.

Omi didn't hear the soft knock on his door and he didn't hear it open either.

"Omi?"

Omi looked up from the pills to see Youji entering his room.

Omi watched over red-rimmed eyes as Youji took in the sight of all the empty bottles on his bed. "Kuso!" Youji cursed.

Then Youjis eyes fell onto Omi, sitting on the floor. " Omi!" Youji rushed to the blonds' side, knelling in front of him. "You didn't..." Youji was afraid to ask. If Omi had ingested all of those...

"No Youji-kun," he whispered, understanding what Youji was thinking." Well, I did... But not all at once."

"Why? Omi...why would you?"

"I don't..." Omi took a deep shuddering breath. " You don't under..." Omi gave up trying to explain. Instead he hung his head. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment he'd surly find if he looked into Youji's eyes.

Gently Youji took the pills from Omi's hands. Then he lifted Omi's chin with his fingers. "Ah, Omittichi," he said softly. "I think I do understand. More than you know. And I'm sorry. Its my turn now."

Omi met Youjis eyes in confusion. "Your turn? For what?"

"Hai. It's my turn to catch you."

* * *


	6. Together

* * *

Omi stood at the kitchen sink and scrubbed. The scalding water turned his hands red and the blood had long since been rinsed away, but he didn't stop. Suddenly a hand pulled his out of the water and wrapped tightly around his own. Another hand turned the faucet off. Omi didn't turn, he knew who hands were on his. He leaned into Youji with a sigh.

"Its still hard, sometimes." Two months and he'd not taken another pill since that night. Those pills hadn't taken the pain away, as he'd first thought, but simply dulled his senses. They took over his mind and his body. It had made him someone he hadn't liked very much.

There was still pain, but pain was part of life. What he did, what they all did to make Japan a safer place, that would be something he would always struggle with. But now he found other ways to deal with it.

"It'll always be hard," Youji said, referring to his own demons. "But your not alone, Omittchi."

"No, I'm not. Your not alone either." Omi turned into Youji's embrace. "Lets go to bed."

* * *

Aya watched down the darkened hall as Youji entered his room, allowing Omi to go first before he silently shut the door behind them. He nodded to himself and turned, surprised to find Ken watching too.

"It was a close thing with those two," Ken said meeting Aya's eyes.

Aya looked back at the closed door. "Stubborn, the both of them."

Ken chuckled and Aya looked back to Ken with a frown. "What's so funny?"

"Their stubborn?" Ken leaned closer to Aya, putting his arms around Aya's waist. "Aya, your the most stubborn person I know."

"Ah. But you wouldn't have me any other way." Aya pulled Ken up against him and any reply was lost in a deep kiss.

* * *

Omi rolled over tugging some of the sheets with him. The other body in the bed pulled him close until Omi could feel his back pressed firmly against Youji's bare chest, his buttocks cradled in the heat of Youji's groin. Their legs intertwined and one of Youji's arms lying possessively across Omi's hip.

Omi could feel Youji's breath in his hair and Youji's heart beating almost in sync with his own. "Hey Youji..." Omi whispered into the darkness, "Thank you."

"For what?" Youji mumbled sleepily.

"Catching me. Thank you being there, and catching me when I fell."

Youji held Omi tighter, and lay gentle kiss on Omi's head. "You caught me first, Omi. You caught me first."

* * *

Owari


End file.
